Dirty Dancing: the Untold Tale of Unrequited Love

I have been so blessed lately to have had two - count 'em, TWO - opportunities in the past 2 weeks to watch 80s classic and girls-night-in staple Dirty Dancing, in the past two weeks. What a treat.

So I was feeling particularly perceptive, if not entirely sane, the inaugural rewatch; today, while I was getting my nails done with Yule, I thought back on my more ridiculous statements, and found one of them to in fact be hilariously well founded.

Question: How does Baby even meet Johnny?

At that party with all the dirty dancing! But how does she get there? She carries a watermelon - she says so herself. But wait...who was that guy carrying the other watermelons? That kinda gingery kid who is Johnny's cousin? Do you have any idea who I'm talking about?

this guy

 If you were like, "Uh, Billy Kostecki, obviously!" then you must have eaten some of the brownies I ate before viewing Dirty Dancing, because to the rest of the world he is "idiot who tried to carry three watermelons."

I think there would be room for an excellent spin-off dramatization about Billy, who is present throughout the whole movie (he ends up dancing with Lisa, Baby's ludicrously large chested idiot sister in the final dance sequence, in fact). And that drama would in fact be a tragic love story.

Seriously. Think about it. If you sat down and watched the first 20 minutes of Dirty Dancing and were somehow unfamiliar with the plot and had the cover hidden from you and are blasphemously unfamiliar with Patrick Swayze's canon of work AND missed the title of the film - should all these stars align, you could be expecting a story of romance between Jennifer Grey and Neal Jones (don't recognize the actor's name - well, it came after a character named Tito Suarez in the final credits [whothefuck?] and the character's most recent work was portraying a serial killer on Criminal Minds...so don't sweat it...).

Where was I? Oh yes, film's opening. In the first 5 minutes of the movie, Baby and Billy meet, and it looks something like this:

"Hey! Thanks! You want a job here?"

does that face say a job occupation is what she wants.

Then we get to see a dance class, Baby gets insight into the classist hierarchy and sexism of the 1960s hotel industry, we see Johnny and Penny dance and then - oh and then - our iconic staff quarters dance party scene. Usually we just view the watermelon business as a mean to get Baby closer to Johnny, but let's break this down:

Baby runs up, eager to help poor, idiot Billy with his ludicrous mound of watermelons (who brings watermelons to a debauched dance party, precisely?). He tells her to go back to the main house where he says he's seen her "dancing with the little boss man." So, we can fairly say that he's been keeping an eye on young Baby, sizing up his competition. He then risks his job, and later his watermelons, to gallantly bring her up to the party.

yeah, you really seem to be in the best position to be opening doors for ladies. Got to woo her somehow though I guess. Access to all the watermelons a girl could want doesn't quite have the appeal it may have in, say, the 1930s.

 If you watch the movie closely, you will realize that Johnny isn't even remotely nice to Baby until after their dance together at the other resort (or, more accurately, after he creeps her in his rearview mirror as she changes in the back seat on the way back from their dance). Billy proudly explains to Johnny, who dickishly implies why she's at the party; "She came with me. [with pride and disbelieving laughter] She's with me." It is actually so endearing (and kind of heartbreaking) that you'd better check it out yourself (3:45).

From there on - when Johnny blatantly cockblocks his younger cousin (who, if you look closely, actually tosses his arms up as she walks away) - Billy becomes a rather background figure. He is credited after Emily Gilmore Kelly Bishop, Baby's mother, who has approximately six lines. This is a tragedy, and our attention has been unduly directed at the creepy, kind of pedaphilic Johnny-Baby romance, and the botched abortion story line, and we do give far too much of a fuck about Robbie.

Rewatch Dirty Dancing, paying attention to Billy; the plot could not be furthered without him, yet we give no voice or credence to his obvious heartache.

Billy Kostecki : a regular Oedipus Rex