Diet Shame

Team! It's been forever! How are you? Awesome. Me? Oh I've been busy, you know. Ok - small talk aside, I've really been trying to identify what exactly it is about Calgary that saps my desire to post. I think I'm growing increasingly accustomed to a life of mediocrity - my nights have consisted of watching my parents' appalling television choices and tucking myself into bed with an audiobook by 10:30. Last night we ate chocolates and had a glass of wine, making it the most exciting night I've had in about two weeks. I am determined, however, to not be ok with this. While a cozy night in is, honestly, great most of the time, I would like to actually have plans. And I haven't. Or have, and bailed, because leaving my suburban cocoon just sometimes takes more effort that I feel willing to expend.

Project "Fun Calgary" will commence next week. Why next week? Because I start making money next week. Ye haw Calgary, ye haw.


Ok, so none of this has to do with diets, though shame of my premature middle age is hopefully apparent. Another reason I haven't been posting is because I've been really back and forth in my mind about whether I wanted to admit to the blogosphere what I am going to admit to you right now: I am on a diet. And I don't just mean casually watching my calories or trying to eat healthier - when I'm doing that, I say that. I'm on a honest to goodness, book-written-by-doctor type diet. I didn't buy this book, by the way, nor would the diet have been something I would have done on my own accord - it is a by-product of living with my mum, but I'm doing it, baby.

So, I'm not actually going to get into the diet - the 17 Day diet (a total misnomer, by the by) - at this particular junction. I am more curious about the fact that I debated even mentioning it. Intrigued by the fact that, when it comes up in conversation, which it somehow, inevitably and painfully always does, I always try to pass it off as something I'm doing in solidarity with my parents, rather than something I started before, and have continued to do more faithfully, than either.

It is exactly that difference between "watching what I eat" or "eating a bit more healthy" and being "on a diet." If you follow fitness blogs they will almost all abhor diets; their authors' insist that they just eat a healthy, balanced diet and, my least favourite phrase ever, "just listen to what their body needs." My body insists that it needs a sugar boost after every meal. It insists that sugar be in the form of chocolate. My mind-body connection is not so hot - my mind is a dictator who likes chocolates and dislikes my pathetic, complaining knees. I don't know that I'm all that unique in that regard though - how many people do you honestly know who can say "my body just really wanted something green" or "I just needed some protein," who aren't utterly full of bullshit? My mind tells my body those things using logic and research: "Yo body, you will get scurvy if you don't put spinach in you" or "You just worked out - protein builds muscle - eat it." Before my inner monologue totally derails me from my point here, I will make it; to admit that you are on a diet points to a flaw in your will power. You can't just intuitively do something good for you, it has to be dictated and formulaic. And this paints you as a weak person. But following a clear set of guidelines is what I need. And the same goes for a lot of people. Because, guess what, a lot of people are overweight. Most people, in fact. I'm not even overweight, but my impulse control is negligible unless I can give myself a very concrete reason why refusing one more chocolate or a glass of wine will make a difference. And a diet does just that.

Despite the fact that most people have a hard time making the right choices when it comes to nutrition, and particularly weight loss, there is some very bad vibes that get directed at those who take the route of a prescribed diet. Yeah, it is a consumerist thing, making doctors richer for writing books full of things that should be mostly common sense, blah, blah, communism, blah. I get that. But why do people always give you a look like, "Oh...?" as though your diet is actually a second head growing out of your armpit? I like to tell myself that it makes them re-evaluate their own dietary choices and feel insecure, but I really don't think that's it. That's just what people on diets tell themselves: "they're just jealous because I'm doing something about my weight." Uh, no - they're eating cake and ribs. They are not jealous of your baked chicken breast, wilted spinach and soda water. It's because they've suddenly realized that your are vain and insecure and don't have a) the strength to change things for yourself without a book or support system holding your hand or b) you aren't imaginative enough to come up with an excuse that doesn't open you up to such scrutiny. "Oh, yeah, I'm not drinking beer right now because I've been casking my own Irish whisky all day and I'm basically drunk already," or "you know, I heard that they found a human heart at the Lilydale factory in Glenridge" would be responses that would certainly debunk judgment much more effectively than "oh, I'm on this diet."
 
But guess what else - diets can work! Most diets today come with weening phases where they admit "yeah, we've changed what foods you can and can't eat, but by doing so we've also changed the foods you crave and the way you approach your meals." Which is really just a long road to getting to the "I just eat a healthy, balanced diet," phase which elicits no societal sneer. I have been on this bad boy diet for 20 days, and I have lost an inch and half from my waist and weigh less than I ever have in my adult life. So when I tell you I'm on a diet, it is not an invitation for you to comment on my weight or evaluate my body perception. If I tell you I'm not having a beer because I'm on a diet, I don't want to hear "You don't need to be on a diet! You're crazy!" Shut up. I'm on a diet because I have goals, man! And those goal include looking really sexy while I still am at an age where that is relatively easy to accomplish.

So viva the diet - haters, go hate elsewhere. With fries if you like. They look tasty.