I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of ennui lately with what is feeling like a directionless and menial waste of a year. I'm out of school, I live with my parents, I'm a full time server, and I'm so tired from that last one that I have been doing little else with my time. I chatted tonight with Chopper, and after ranting about work for 10 straight minutes I heaved a sigh and confessed; "I hate talking about my job, it makes me feel so deeply uninteresting."
Well, rather than dodge the bullet, pretend I have a lot of other deep and important thoughts racing through my mind or fabulous parties nay racy adventures to titillate you with, I'm going to meet the goliath head on with this revelatory piece on how to treat your server.
1) I work as a server, I am not a waitress
This may be a small detail, but in "the industry" - a term I disdain in its self-righteous mediocrity - we call ourselves servers. The reason I bring it up to you, dear reader, who is likely not in "the industry"? Because how many times have you heard someone call out "Oh, Server." You don't. And if you remove the words "waiter" and "waitress" from your vocabulary you will stop yourself from calling out to your server in this anonymous way. Bidding "Waitress!" is a) not helpful, as the restaurant is full of waiters/waitresses, many of whom aren't yours and can't, or don't have time to, help you; b) defines what is actually a person by their profession and tends to dehumanize and c) makes you sound like an ass. "Excuse me, waitress" is really not much better than snapping.
If you server introduces his or herself, take note. Nothing makes me feel better than when someone has actually acknowledged my name. Except, perhaps, when someone asks my name when I haven't given it. I am a person with a name who has a cat, and bills to pay, and a degree (two, in fact), who works as a server and is, at times fallable. So if you call me by my name, and not "waitress" those other things may occur to you, and you will not treat me like a servant or a second class citizen.
2) You are not the only table
Obvious, but it seems to be something everyone seems to forget. People can be rather unforgiving when a water goes unfilled or a side plate has been forgotten. Before you join those ranks think of this; while this young woman/man is taking my drink order, she also has drinks on the bar for another table, food in the kitchen that needs to be ran, a table that needs to be cleared and, heaven forbid, a party of 5 who are all paying separately. On debit. Not only is this To Do list cycling through his.her subconscious, lest something be forgotten altogether, but a route which allows for these tasks to be most efficiently achieved is being routed and mapped. So if your Diet Coke takes a little while getting to you, avoid rolling your eyes - it's hilarious, people think that if they aren't making eye contact with their server that we can't see the bitchy looks you exchange with your dining guests - and give some slack.
This unfortunately also goes to nice people who are considerately getting to know their server. This gesture does make serving feel much less like servitude and can make an evening at work rather fun. However, if it is the height of the lunch rush, and your server is looking around slightly panic stricken as you ask about their major, realize that maybe, while they love your interest and really appreciate your wanting to talk to them, they maybe forgot to ring in food for a table who is less easy going. Sometimes a simple "you look like you need to run off to do something, go ahead" is the kindest gesture.
3) Servers/People Are Fallable (subset of 1)
This was implied with 1, and 2 for that matter, but it really bears emphasis. Sometimes servers make mistakes. You said no dress on your side salad and it came out with dressing. You wanted the dry ribs before the soup. You had asked for potatoes and got potato salad. The list is endless. Before you unleash your wrath on the person responsible think two things; is my server necessarily the one responsible for this?; if so, do they deserve to be berated or punished for it? Anecdote; my first time ever serving a large party was 13 people, 8 or whom wanted the salmon. I accidentally rang in 7 salmons. I missed one. It got rang in right away, we took care of the cost of his salmon, and I apologized profusely. It came out 8 minutes after the rest. Upon presenting it to him, and apologizing to him, again, he cut me short, saying "yeah, you know, I know you're sorry and you're taking care of it, but now half my friends are done eating so it doesn't really matter." It was the most hurtful and unnecessary comment. Because here's the thing; we know when we've screwed up. And we are aware of the hyper critical ways in which little errors seem like large ones when you're out to have a good time. My restaurant teaches new recruits about "restaurant time" - it's the illusion that for every minute you actually sit in a restaurant, it feels like 3. You think you waited 5 minutes before your server came and said hi? Don't be so sure. This gentleman thought he sat there forever waiting for his salmon while everyone else ate, when in reality everyone else who had ordered the salmon was not even halfway through. And regardless, what more could I do than apologize and take care of his meal?
Furthermore, an important distinction to make here is between a mistake and bad service. Some people say that unless everything comes out perfect they wont tip 15%. But was your server solicitous? Did he or she make eye contact while speaking with you, fill up your drinks, advise you on menu items? After the problem was identified, did they check to see if everything was ok after a solution had been found? Or did they fail to write down your order, were looking around at other tables when you were ordering and avoided your table after the mistake was brought to their attention? This is a key difference that brings me to my last, and most crucial, insight.
4) T.I.P. is not a tax
I know that I am not coming from the most objective place, talking about tipping ettiquette. But I think there are some key things people need to know.
First; in Canada, there are many provinces where the minimum wage for serving staff (specifically people who serve alcohol) is lower than minimum wage at McDonalds or Walmart or any other job.
Second; The times during which a restaurant are busy are narrow windows, which means most servers do not work 8 hour days. If you are a first cut server on the lunch rush, you may work from only 11:00-2:00. Full time employment in a restaurant is not 40 hours a week. So this is all to say, servers cannot realistically live off their wage alone. I make around 1'000$ a month in wage. So for the people, and I am ashamed to say I know some, who think that a tip is extra...no. Governments have acknowledge the practice of tipping and have scaled wages down accordingly, making those tips particularly necessary.
Third; restaurants are shady. Not the kitchens or the bathrooms (though it depends where you are I supposed) but the managements. There are a million loop holes and bullshit lies restaurants use to keep from paying their servers what they deserve. Some places pool hours and put them onto future paychecks to keep from paying overtime. Some will tell you that you are cut, and will only get paid for an additional 45 minutes, as incentive for you to stop taking tables, finish up with your existing ones, and get out of the restaurant and off the clock. So don't rely on the restaurant to be providing for their staff adequately - they often don't.
Fourth; your server does not get that tip all to him or herself. This is a point necessary for everyone, but becomes particularly clear when people ring up high bills. Most restaurants require you to tip out your kitchen, your hostesses, your busboys and your bartender. At mine and many others, the way these tips are determined are not by pooling tips and sharing them. This is, sadly, too optimistic a system; you can't really rely on all servers to be honest about how much of a tip they made off a table that paid with cash. What we do is determine your required tip out based on sales. For instance, if I sold 500$ worth of food, I tip 1.5% to floor staff (hostesses/bussers), 1.5-2% to the bartender, 2.5% to the kitchen and, at mine, 1% to the expo (the person who liaises between the front of house and the kitchen, making sure food comes out properly, gets run, and looks nice). Let's say that 500$ was all from one table. When people's bills get that high, they have a hard time leaving 75$ "extra" behind. The thought "well 50$ is a good amount of money for anyone" often arises. Well, no matter which way you slice it, that is 10%. And with 7% of that 500$ already automatically assigned to other staff, that leaves your server with 3%. Rather than slapping a generous 50 bones in their hand, your server (who probably doted on you quite a lot to get your bill so high) walks away with 15$. This is particularly crucial if you are placing an order for pick up! The same rules apply. I answered the phone, chatted with you, took your order, packed it up for you and settled up with you - all this while serving other tables. It is service. And whether or not you agree, the restaurant does not distinguish your 90$ To Go order from the rest of my sales; the kitchen still had to make it, so surely they deserve a tip, right?
Oh, and one more thing. If you're too broke to tip properly, you're too broke to go out. It's the shittiest excuse.
So send out some good karma and tip well babies. We work hard for it. Fur reelz
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